schmëgmuh

schmëg • muh                    noun                \ˈshmeg-ˈmə\

1  : the quality or state of being schmëgmuh as:
     a  : maximization of potential to a degree where the subject can not improve to any greater state
     b  : even as possible
     c  : straight up even
     d  : more even than steven

 
Examples of schmëgmuh
 • As the tang rolled across my taste buds, i knew its effect on my palette was schmëgmuh
 • We knew the examples of this word had to be schmëgmuh(even)

Origin of scmëgmuh
        Middle class, northestern United States, stemming from english word even, schmëgmuh also derives a small constituent from canadian, lingo commenly within the video game community of the mid to late 2000's, and jive

First known use:  december 23, 2010 (not even ): )

-brooks-

10 things for you to ponder

10. Why do sour cream containers have expiration dates?: yea seriously

9. do they make rubics cubes for the colorblind?

8. Why aren't rice crispy treats considerate enough to learn the English language?

7. If the blind wanted to go sky diving, could they take they're seeing eye dogs with them?

6. Why hasn't dehydrated water been invented? just add water and you get water.

5.Isn't it scary that doctors say what they do their "practice"?

4. If you wore an antenna to a wedding would the reception be better?

3. If a mime is arrested does he have the right to remain silent?

2. If pro is the opposite of con is progress the opposite of congress?

1. If we're not supposed to have midnight snacks, then why is there a light in the refrigerator?

-brooks-

Story Time 2

Its 10:24 PM December 3rd, 2010 and i just ate some really good cake, so that means its.....STORYTIME:

             It was Halloween in old man Otis Glazedham Wurtley's quaint home town in the countryside of Vermont, but not everyone was all cheery for the holiday. Old man Otis was force fed pumpkins by his scary Aunt Gertrude as a child and had never liked Halloween because of this traumatic experience. In fact, every time Otis saw a pumpkin he mashed it with a golf club. Otis was going about his normal Halloween routine of smashing pumpkins and tipping cows over onto small innocent children when out of the corner of his eye he noticed  something that looked like a troll out of his most despised children's book, Billy Goats Gruff. What it was came all too familiar to him when he heard the thing say "Oye, Otie ya little turkey *cough cough* why don't ya come with ya old ant Gertrude and *cough cough* carve some PUMPKINS *hack cough hack hack*". At this moment his nightmare had come true, his Aunt Gertrude had returned. She was surprisingly scary, even for her young age of 147. Otis didn't hesitate and pushed her out in front of the steamroller doing road work on the the road next to him and old Aunt Gertrude was reduced to nothing more than a wrinkly pancake gone wrong. From this moment on, Otis decided, Halloween was his favorite holiday. Otis quickly rushed to the local walmart and got all sorts of wonderful decorations, even a scarecrow costume for himself. Otis got in his costume and waited on his porch to scare all the little trick or treaters. A few minutes later A little boy walked up on the porch rang the doorbell and yelled "TRICK OR TREAT". Otis knew this was the perfect  moment and grabbed the boy by the leg and yelled "RAAHHHHH". Little did he know that this boy was more vicious than he seemed. The boy delivered a swift kick to Otis right between the legs and ran away. Old man Otis never left the house again.......oh yea, that boy......WAS ME!

-Brooks-

sorry i haventr been posting

i havent been posting the last few days because ive been killing hookers and stealing cars. a.k.a. playing grand theft auto. i will begin posting again tomorow

Funny Names of Towns

Today in earth science i learned about a city with a very funny name, so i made a joke of course, but thats beyond the point. see if you can guess it on this list:

Truth or Consequences, New Mexico - Ahhh the birthplace of the crime drama

Bird in Hand, Pennsylvania - Its such a nice place its worth 2 in the bush

Hot Coffee, Mississippi - Careful not to spill it

Phuket, Indonesia -Not a great vacation spot, "Phuket we're out of here"

Cut and Shoot, Texas - Sounds like Bridgeport

Looneyville, New York - The natives are especially friendly

Billy Goat Hill, Alabama - Bring your banjo

Dead Women Crossing, Oklahoma - The highest concentrated population of women in the world

White Bread Creek, Oklahoma - "we don't take kindly to ryes like you"

5 things you should never do

ehhh....why not?

5. Take pictures with the duckface, do i even need to tell you why you shouldn't do this. it doesn't look cool it just looks weird
4. Listen to country music around people who do not enjoy country music, come on people...this is just insulting. and that includes country rock and country crock, and all other forms of country except for yodeling.
3. Snort the powder at the bottom of a sour skittles bag, its hard to eat so don't go the whole 10 yards. on a side note the new fizzy skittles make you feel like you have rabies. no joke, i ate a bag of these skittles once and i was foaming at the mouth.
2. Dress your child up for Halloween as "Little Hitler". i saw this online once and i lost a little bit of faith in humanity. if you can give me one reason to do this then you are indeed sick.
1. Dress up in a squirrel costume and walk your dog around the park...........................................................................alert the neighborhood watch.

-brooks-

10 things that will make you shoot your tv

I heard about a news article about someone who got so lobstered out because Bristol Palin didn't get eliminated on the tv show dancing with the stars, that he shot his TV. thats just so ridiculous i knew i needed to post a list of the top ten things that make you shoot your tv:

10. You know when all of a sudden your watching TV and a banana boat commercial comes on, then it comes on again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and 5 more times. boom
 9. Palins
 8. Bertoli commercials that i don't know the words too, and plus i lost my restaurant because of those fools
 7. Palins
 6. Terrible cover bands, or glee clubs, oh wait...they're no different...
 5. Palins
 4. Direct TV getting rid of G4, thats about the only channel i could watch without wanting to kill endangered species, and now they've taken it from me. pow look out pandas
 3. wait for it..........Palins
 2. New England gangsters, most people probably dont remember this commercial and thats probably a good thing.
 1. the old guy who dances to the six flags music......MAKE IT STOP, MAKE IT STOP, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......bet you thought i was gonna say palins

note: i don't really hate Palins

-brooks-

no posts on the weekends

i will not be posting on the weekends because i have no sources of inspiration

8 ways to make a conversation awkward

I think most of us have probably done this, and its loads of fun, no denying it.

1. Trying to finish someones sentence, but getting it completely wrong with something very strange. Picture this, someone is talking about what sports they like and they say "i like soccer, basketball,and..." then you blurt out "and cock fighting??"...............................conversation DONE
2. Bring up politics. For example say "did you guys hear? Donald Trump might run for president, and against Sarah Palin, well I know who im voting for...".....................conversation DONE
3. Reference everything everyone says to you doing something in prison. for example if someone says "when i shower i use body wash, not soap" you say "oh i remember when i first used body was, it was in prison!"
4. Talk about larping. nuff said................conversation DONE
5. Do pelvic thrusts or jumping jacks, or just run in place.................conversation DONE
6. Constantly mistake what people say for death threats. For Example: them:"yea i made a grilled cheese today" you: "WHAT??!?" them: "a grilled cheese, i made one today" you: "ohh, phew, i thought you said you were gonna stab and kill my face"...................conversation DONE
7. turn everything everyone says into a life lesson or a speech. ex. them: "yea  i love pizza" you: "you will regret eating it when your 86 like me and cant move off the couch, i wish i didn't eat pizza like you when i was a boy but i can't go back now.....etc.etc."......conversation DONE
8. Play the Didgeridoo. You go ahead and try to have a conversation while someone is playing the didgeridoo, it doesn't happen.

-brooks-

story time

 I was so tired this morning that i was hallucinating and someones backpack turned into an alligator, right before my very eyes. despite this, today was still very uneventful, so i guess that just leaves.....STORY TIME.

              Little Timmy Tube-Sock was enjoying his first few days as a  freshman at Monroe Community College in the pleasant city of Rochester, New York. Friday was like any other day for him, except for Friday was an open house... this meant that campus was crawling with high schoolers and concerned mothers prospecting on what college they're planning to attend. Timmy was on his way to class after picking up his mocha crappuccini from the on campus Java Hut, like any good hipster would, when a boy no older than 15 walked up to him and said "wassup bro??? wanna play some hacky sack???? hackidy sackidy?????". like any hipster, Timmy had an ego issue, and delivered unto the boy a 3 minute long dirty look. after this Timmy continued on his way to class not giving another thought too hacky sack, which was in fact banned on campus...until he got to class, Timmy was 3 minutes late, his professor hit him in the face with a shovel and he was kicked out of the college. Timmy was outraged at this boy, and got straight onto a prominent college review website and posted "Monroe Community College is a dump and is full of freaks, today some 12 year old asked me if i wanted to play hacky sack". Timmy grew up to be a bum and the best job he could get was at taco den. he lived unhappily ever after...THE END.

note: this is a true story, and that boy......WAS ME!

-Brooks-

Everything you ever wanted to know about calling someone a tool

I feel it is only right to start this post with a definition, i will use the definition that originated from the UK: quite simply, a fool...thats right, i rhymed. Furthermore, any of you hipsters who thought i was posting about the band tool, no, get lost. Lots of us deal with tools in our everyday lives, some cases of tooldom are more extreme than others but the average tool is for the most part...bearable. Tools do not seem threatening but do not befriend them or else you will have to deal with a constant flow of dumb comments, them calling you bro, and constantly asking you to play hacky sack. When encountering a tool in the jungle of life there are several ways of giving them a notification that they are a tool:
1. The adjective + tool, ex. power tool, super tool

2. The tool + noun, ex. toolbox, toolfish

3. The classic "tool", ex. "No you tool, i do not want to play hacky sack"

4. The indirect tool, ex. "You are a wrench" "My dad keeps you on a workbench in the basement"

Now that you have read this post you are well equipped for survival in a land riddled with tools or your basement...

note: In no way is this post meant to discriminate against those who play hacky sack. I appreciate a good hack as much as the next guy but in some situations it can get excessive. Keep hacking,

-brooks-

my top 10 ways to annoy your teachers

as im sitting here doing my global studies 10 homework i find myself thinking "wow i really screw around a lot in that class" on behalf of that i am posting a list of 10 creative ways to annoy your teacher:

1. refer to important historical figures by nicknames such as William Shakespeare - willie. this will at least get you a dirty look.
2.yell prove it after everything the teacher says
3. perfume your paper heavily with an offensive odor such as questionably fresh hot sauce.
4.hand in your paper as a letter, with postage. i have done this one...it works quite nicely
5.answer every question as a different kind of cheese
6. come late to class and scheme a very epic entrance such as "THE PARTY HAS ARRIVED" or "ITS OK, im here"
7. eat LOTS of food during class
8. play the floor is lava
9.bring a cardboard cutout of your body and put it in another seat
10. make references about being friends and participating in social activites with all the teachers friends, this one is also very affective

with all these methods you are on your way to being your teachers worst nightmare, he will probably have to get a stress ball just to cope with your class period....

-brooks-

the floor is lava

during your morning classes in school you may find yourself thinking "i wish i were sleeping right now". Alot of you people would just be like oh well, and fall asleep and drool on your binder but no, i cant settle. so what me and my friends do is play "the floor is lava". this game is initiated when someone sais "the floor is lava". the rules are as follows: you may NOT touch the floor and must make it all the way around the room without touching the floor. if you touch the floor, your dead....duhh, its lava. sooner or later you will be jumping on desks and rockhopping across binders and jumping in garbage cans, just too make it around the room, when your teacher discovers your shennanigans you will get a puzzled look, you then must say, "oh.....sorry, the floor was lava". how can anyone possible be mad at that.
            Games of the floor is lava don't have to end just because your not in school.....the floor is lava, in fact, can be played pretty much anywhere: your workplace, your house, your friends house, your friends workplace...the opportunities are endless. so don't for a dull life, play the floor is lava, and spice it up...with a little bit of heat.

-brooks-